OK, so I am really angry.

I just went down to Centrelink to put in my form for this fortnight (what with being still considered a “Job Seeker” although I have a part time job). The normal office hours for this particular office are 9-5, and so down I went at about 4:35. Little did I know that the time had been changed to 9 – 4:30. Yeah.

So I stand outside the front looking in. I can see someone in there being helped at the desk.

So I wait there until that person comes out of the door, opening it up. I thought at least I can ask, and try and plead my case of the sheet saying a different time. As I go in, so does another lady who starts yelling and swearing at the 2 guys who obviously tell the people who show up late to go away.

I just ask them if the other local place was open until 5  and they say yes. Thanks, see-ya later. Other woman says “Have a shit day” and cries on her way out.

I don’t know why, but this has left me absolutely fuming!

1. No mercy or love is shown. Even someone with a legitimate reason (due to Centrelink’s fault) is not even given the chance to be heard.

2. The other woman was just, seriously, how is that kind of behaviour meant to help.

3. I was thinking, “I guess they get a lot of people who are difficult, just live off the government’s money, don’t do anything, kind of people with no purpose, and who don’t care” People that others might call “No hopers, losers” etc. And then I realised that I was one of those people to them. Man.

I am just so angry at that. Treating people as if you are better than them, even though the other people working there have absolutely no understanding about why someone might be 5 minutes later than the cut-off time.

It really makes me feel like a nobody, you know. The fact they didn’t even have the courtesy to listen to anything I had to say. It’s kind of like “Sorry, you are obviously a loser who doesn’t care about anyone except for yourself, so go away.”

And anyway, I was sitting here in my anger feeling like a hopeless nobody, thinking even when you do the right thing, people can still disdain you.

You know, I would have gone earlier except for that I needed to put in my job search details.

I would have put my job search details in earlier, but the computer wasn’t free, and I didn’t want to be selfish and do what I wanted just for me.

I did all the right things, but still I end up as a nobody.

So I was chatting with Jesus about it, and then figured that’s what it was like for him too.

He did amazing, wonderful things, and they didn’t just not let him hand in his fortnightly forms – they crucified him.

I’m still fuming and angry, but it helps to keep things in perspective.

Here I am, writing from Melbourne.

I arrived in Aus a week ago, and have been trying to settle back in.

Leaving was hard to do. My friends there, who are so much like a family to me, are hard to be away from. There were lots of tears at the airport, and on the plane on the way back, but not really any since being here.

It hasn’t been as terrible as I thought – I have great friends and people to spend time with, and have been taking things fairly easily, but it is quite strange to be here.

There are so many white people. Most Asian people I see, I want to bow to them and talk to them in Japanese (which is kind of funny), the signs are all in English, I can understand everything that is said around me, the cars, roads, houses are all BIG, trolleys at the supermarkets are BIG, there are not so many people…

I am doing pretty well really, and in the moments that havent been so great, I have just prayed and know that Jesus is always with me.

“Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or thaty.” James 4:13-15

I have been thinking lately a lot about decisions.

I do not want to be a flaky person who changes my mind at the drop of a hat.

I do not want to be so unconcerned about life and the world that I have no direction.

So how can I be concrete and committed to any decisions I make, knowing thay my plans and God’s plans for me, are not often the same?

I am wondering how committed a person has to be to the decisions they make.

(I am not talking about decisions like marriage, or other legal contracts one enters – the question here of what level of committment is required is obvious, and needs to be decided before the contract is made)

An example of what I don’t want to be like is this:

OK. I want to go an a diet. I have decided only to eat fruit and vegetables. This is my decision.

One day, suddenly, I come across the Confectionery Area in the Supermarket. Wow.

Look what God has given me! OK, there are lots of good things here. Surely God wants me to have these.

Eat away. Committment to diet – over.

This is what I don’t want to be.

To be specific with the actual problem I am trying to think about (all of the following uses the clause ‘God willing’):

• I am about to go back to Australia.

• For 1.5 years.

• I am hoping to come back to Japan.

• As a long term missionary.

• To work with young Japanese people.

So I am thinking, if I want to remain focused on this goal of serving God in Japan, then probably thinking about boys/boyfriends/marriage whilst I’m in Australia, will probably be a BIG distraction.

So should I make a decision to not go there (boys) while back in Aus?

I think that’s a good, practical idea.

But then, people keep telling me, but you don’t know what God will do, and who you will meet.

How committed should I be? If ‘cake’ suddenly comes along in the midst of my ‘diet’, I don’t want to forget about everything about my diet.

But at the same time as this, I know that I do not know what God has in store for me.

I mean, I guess, in the end, it comes down to prayer, and to trusting God in his control of my life – not stubbornly trying to do things my way, but in following Him.

But it is a really hard thing to do!

Does anyone have any advice on how to do this well????

I had a wonderful weekend, full of good friends and good food. For me, time is ticking down here in Japan before I return home for about a year and a half, so am trying to make the most of my time while still here.

Saturday: I met my lovely friend Ayako for lunch. We had a HUGE Thai food feast – we are Green Curry, Prawn Spicy Soup, Noodles and Rice. We ordered a little too much, but managed to eat it all somehow!

After that, we had some spare time, so made our way to the movies. We saw “Indianna Jones” – entertaining, but the storyline was a little lacking unfortunately. But we had a good time anyway!

I then met my friend Moyu, and we played our guitars together and chatted. It was very nice to chat with her about God, and what she is thinking about.

Then I had my Saturday night English Class – I think they learnt something! hehe

After that, my House Church buddies and I went to the Cross Hotel in Namba. Michie had received a free ticket to stay in a $1000 per night Suite Room, and so Michie, Keishi and I stayed there. But first we all went out for YAKINIKU! Oh so yummy – delicious meat cooked on a BBQ in your table, as well as other delicious sauces and appetisers. mmmm.

Then time for a prayer meeting in the oh-so-posh Hotel. Very nice. Long chats til early morning, bubble baths and deep sleeps. Oh yeah.

Sunday: Yum buffet breakfast (again for free) at the Hotel.

Michie and I then played about 2 hours of WiiSports on our huge TV in the hotel room til check out time.

Then we headed to a gym (yet another free ticket) in the city, close to the hotel and Church, and we were there for 3 hours! I had a body fitness assessment thing done, and that was all good. Then we spent a while on the bikes, treadmills, machines, yoga class, showers, sauna…

Ramen for lunch.

Church from 3-6.

What a weekend!!!!!!!!!

For those Aussies out there, driving in Japan is not too difficult, as cars drive on the left-hand side of the road. So one of the biggest challenges of driving overseas is non-existent. Yay!

BUT: There are some significant differences.

1. The way people drive is different.

By this I am referring to the way that it is OK to pull out in front of someone else, even if they have to slow down, or even stop. This goes in just about any situation. It is good when you are stuck and just want to go, but not so good when people randomly and unexpectedly pull out in front of you in all different situations.

2. The “Hazards” Rule

OK, I admit. I made the name of this rule up, but there is a rule. You can park anywhere, anytime, as long as you have your hazard lights on. In fact, this doesn’t just apply to parking. You can basically do anything if you have your hazards on. Another convenient yet slightly dangerous habit.

3. The speed signs

Most average, suburbian roads in Japan have a speed of 40k’s. Highways vary between 60-80k’s. But almost every single person ignores the speed signs, drives way faster, and the regulation of these speeds is yet to be seen by me. So, in one sense, the speed is much lower generally. But because a whole lot of people (maybe 90%) ignore the signs and drive at any speed they like (especially on Highways) you also find people driving very fast.

4. Narrow roads

Just because a road seems to have only enough width for one car, DO NOT assume it is a one-way road. It is probably a normal road. Roads are very narrow, especially the roads near houses, in the residential areas.

5. Street signs

There are little to no street name signs in Japan. The main, big roads and Highways have signs, but all other roads have no signs. It is nearly impossible to drive to someone’s house without having been there before. Because Japan is an old country, many of the residential areas have had roads there for a long time. So while they have been paved etc, the pattern on roads is not logical in any sense, and are so small and windy and random, without signs. Often I have thought, well, this road should lead in that direction (thinking on a logical grid-type lay out) and found myself very lost in a very narrow street with no signs. This is perhaps why most Japanese cars have some type of Navigation systems. Unfortunately for me, the car I use does not fall into the ‘most’ category. But I have found some interesting places while driving around lost!

In general, I think that driving in Japan is reasonably safe, as the speed is generally lower than Australia. But then, I haven’t mentioned anything about Motorbikes, Scooters, Pedestrians and Cyclists in this entry, which make for a very interesting driving experience!

I recently read a book called “Severe Mercy” by Sheldon Vanauken, and while I won’t go into the book much here, one thing this book made me think about more is ‘Beauty’.

Vanauken spends a lot of time talking about he and his wife, and the joy they found in beauty and in love.

They enjoy walks; at dawn, at dusk, in the night, in forests, by rivers, along cobble-stoned lanes. They appreciate the water; oceans, lakes, rivers. They appreciate the sky; blue skies, clouds, storms, rainbows. They appreciate love. They appreciate many different things in which they find beauty.

And it made me begin to think about the last time that I saw something that I thought was beautiful – in the real, meaningful sense of the word. Something filled with such deepness of beauty, that you may perhaps be shocked to see it, or perhaps a tear might spring to your eye.

I realised with dismay that it has been a long time since I have thought about beauty.

The lifestyle of most of the population of Japan is one of crazy work, family and social pressures. There is simply not time to stop and appreciate beauty. While I am not Japanese, and as a single person, have a lot less family responsibilities than others, my life too seems to be ran at this ridiculously fast pace. I just went through my diary, and the last day I had an entire day of doing nothing – not going out, not working, not going to church, not seeing anyone, was on January 21st. Today is June 4th. That is crazy. But here, it is normal. Crazy and normal.

When life is lived at such a pace, where is the time to look for beauty just for the sake of finding it?

So I began to think about the things in my life, that perhaps had beauty in them, and I had not been able to see it. I began searching through my memories, for glimpses of beauty, of joy, and of love. For beauty, joy and love, are somehow inextricably linked. Can beauty be devoid of joy? Joy of beauty? Beauty or joy devoid of love? These three lead to and exist because of the others.

I remembered back to the weekend – where I met a 15 year old girl, volunteering with me – how we spent the day getting to know each other, laughing, and connecting. I recognised the beauty in friendship – especially a new, unexpected one. The joy of laughter.

The beauty of harmonies sung powerfully – filling me with such joy that I got goosebumps all over and was holding my breath without realising.

And mostly I remembered the simple beauty of Jesus.

His life, given for me. The beauty of the cross – not in what it is, an horrific method of execution – but in what it represents. If love and joy come from beauty, and Jesus brings me love and joy through his death, then surely the Cross is the only true beautiful thing that there has ever been in history.

Beauty is enhanced all the more when found in a surprising place, and who can think of anywhere more shocking than the Cross.

“To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood, and made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve his God and Father for ever and ever! Amen.” Rev 1:5-6

As I was reading this yesterday, I was really impressed by the fact that Jesus has done SO much for us.

All that I am now, all that I have become, and all that I will be, is because of Jesus.

1. I am loved. Jesus loves me.
2. I am free; free from my sins, and thus free to know God.
3. I am part of a kingdom – THE Kingdom.
4. I am a priest – in the sense that I have been set apart as one who knows God – (I don’t wear funny robes).

I guess it’s easy for me to forget that the things that are most important to me – my relationship with God, and who I am in Christ, these things are all gifts that have been given to a very undeserving me.

I’m not saying this to make myself feel terrible and think “woe is me, I am so awful” – rather, to see all of the wonderful gifts I have been given freely because of my Wonderful Counsellor, my Prince of Peace, my Servant King, Jesus Christ.

And even in all of the things he has done for me, the purpose of it all, is to give glory to the Father. Amazing.

There is a really great Japanese Worship song, written about really having a grateful, thankful heart, for all that Jesus has done for us.

I found this video on youtube, and though it is a Church from the US, here it is! The song is called 感謝の心 (kansha no kokoro), which means “Thankful/Grateful Heart”. This version also has an English verse, which I haven’t heard before. It’s quite long, but hope you can enjoy reflecting on all that Jesus has done for you.

Yesterday was the 10th Annual Naniwa Gospel Festival, held in Namba Hachi, in downtown Osaka. I went as a Volunteer with some of my House Church friends, so while we were busy, we did get to see most of the show as well.

It was amazing. I have never been to a big Gospel music show before – I don’t just mean Christian music, but more traditional “Gospel Music” – with the big choirs singing wonderful harmonies, and a leader/main singer out the front.

I was so moved – there is something really powerful about hearing a whole lot of people belt out praises to God, and when they sound amazing too – goosebumps!

The main organiser and singer, a Japanese man called Jaye Koyama, is a really interesting guy. Back in the day, he was heavily involved in Yakuza (Japanese Mafia) circles, clubs, and was in with all the main dudes of those circles. Then, (unfortunately I’m not sure of these details) he became a Christian, and really got into the Christian Gospel Music scene. Recently, through the Ministry we have going on in AmeMura (the downtown, failry dodgy yet cool part of Osaka) we met Jaye, and he was encouraged to continue many of the relationships he had back in the days. So we have held, together with Jaye, a concert in one of the clubs where Jaye previously had lots of connections. And with his bleached blonde hair, charisma and entertaining skills – he surely is a character!

Probably one of the highlights of the show was when Jaye came out and sang with his sons. They are 15 and 17 (I think), and to be honest, at first, I was a little dubious as to how it would go. I was really hoping it wouldn’t just be a ‘family benefits’ kind of thing – Dad’s singing, so that means the kids can have a go. Boy was I wrong! They were amazing! The 15 year old son had an incredible voice. I was really really shocked! They 2 boys came out wearing their casual jeans, T-shirt, kind of cool young style, which was great to compare with Jaye in his very black-gospel-singer-suit-get-up. They did some beat-boxing, and dancing, and very good harmonies – there is just something about families that sing together!

Here is just a tiny little, (very bad quality) snippet of the finale. Enjoy.

Today I read through Galatians. There were quite a few verses that really jumped out at me, but this one in particular SCREAMED at me from the page:

“Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (1:10)

Woah.

I guess not all of us out there are people pleasers. Some people don’t care much at all about what others think about them. But I (unfortunately) do not fall into this category. I am very aware of others, and what they think, and especially what they think, or might possibly think, about me.

For example: When I meet Christians here in Japan, and they ask me what I am doing, I say something along the lines of, “I’m an English teaching Missionary, who teaches English in 5 different churches around Osaka and Nara, with the hope that Japanese people will come to know Jesus.” This is true. It is what I do.

When I meet a non Christian here in Japan, not so much for reasons of sensitivity etc, but more for the reasons of, “What if they don’t want to listen to what I say if they know I am a Christian”, I often say “I am kind of half an English teacher, and half a Missionary.” I don’t always go into the reason why I am a Missionary, or what I hope to really achieve by being here.

Is this hyprocricy? No, not really. But this is fear of man.

I often worry far too much about what others think of me, and change my response accordingly, when what I should be primarily concerned about, in all aspects of life, is what God thinks of me.

How can I truly serve Christ if I am worried about others’ opinions of me?

Although I don’t often always act on this fear, I do often have this fear. But in reality, the thing is, I can’t please people – well, not everyone.

Every single person has their own desires, expectations, hopes, likes, dislikes, temperament, etc.

It is physically, emotionally, spiritually impossible for me to please every single person I meet, even if I wanted to.

But it is possible for me to be a servant of Jesus.

The character of Jesus is unchanging – the things which please him today, are the things that please him tomorrow, and they are also the things that pleased him yesterday. He is not fickle.

People are not only fickle, but we also do not always know how to best pleasethem, according to their needs. You only need to look at one or two Celebrity Gossip websites before you can see the way that individual needs and desires vary, and unless we are mind readers, we have no way of really knowing how to please others.

But when we think about serving and pleasing Jesus, we need look no further than Jesus himself.

We have an example of the best servant mankind ever knew – Jesus himself, to follow – we saw Jesus, sometimes called ‘The Servant King’, serve us in an almost incomprehensible way.

Most people these days have seen ‘The Passion’. In ‘The Passion’ a gruesome, yet realistic, depiction of Jesus’ last day is portrayed. It is shocking to watch. But what makes it all the more shocking is perhaps the fact that Jesus’ horribly cruel death was suffered for you and for me.

Isaiah, from the Old Testament, wrote this around 700 years before Jesus – about a future Servant King (Jesus).

“Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.”(53:4-6)

Jesus shows us what it means to be a true servant – to be willing to give oneself up for the good of others.

Jesus gave himself up for us – we didn’t deserve it, but he did it.

The challenge for me is to be willing to serve Jesus, someone more than worthy of my service, without thinking of myself first.

What a challenge.

But when I think of all that Jesus has done for me, it doesn’t seem like such a hard thing to do.

I have been living in Japan for 22 months now – I know, funny way to say it, but it works for me I guess.

I live just on the edge of Nara Prefecture, in Kansai, but spend most of my time in Osaka.

I love Osaka. In fact, I love Japan.

People are often interested in what life is like in Japan. There is something strangely alluring about Japan for heaps of Westerners, with it’s Asian-ness, yet safe and materialstic society so close to home for many of us. I thought I would try and comment on a few things that Japanese people take for granted (as do I now), that most people outside of Japan would (I hope) find interesting.

Let’s see.

1. Cultural Homogeneity

Unlike many other developed countries these days, Japan is a culture where “foreigners” are very easily noticed. If in Melbourne, someone who was not “white” walked down the street, and people stopped, stared, pointed, or said “Look at the foreigner” – I can’t even begin to imagine that happening. But in Japan, as a white female, it is expected. A few times kids have randomly shouted out “Look at the American!” and I am always very tempted to say “I’m AUSTRALIAN!!!!” but I generally refrain. A Japanese friend said in the midst of a chat about Indigenous Australians, “I am an Indigenous Japanese”, and I almost told him not to be silly, when I realised, it’s true! Japanese people have always been like the Japanese people we see today!

2. Japanese Tea = Water

Japanese people, from infants to adults, drink tea. Not ‘English Tea’ as we know it, but Japanese Tea. Kids drink it at school, parents drink it at work, at most restaurants you get free tea-refills, as well as water. Often friends laugh at my requests for a drink of water, because they just about always drink tea.

3. Body Comments

It’s OK to say to someone “You look fat today, have you put on weight?” or “Are you eating properly? You look thin.” A Japanese friend of mine explained to me that after saying “Hi, how are you? The weather’s nice today”, then inevitably the next comment could very well be one of the afore mentioned comments.

4. Umbrellas

Everyone uses Umbrellas ALL the time when it rains. And it rains a lot, especially in the rainy season (obviously). But even if it just a little shower, and you are only a few metres out in the open, out comes the Umbrella! I find now that I too, can’t handle getting by without one. Very useful things. And when I try to explain that in Australia we just don’t use Umbrella’s to the same frequency as they do in Japan, my friends ask me “Well what do you do when it rains?”, I can never think of an answer. What do we do when it rains?

5. Onomatopeia

In Japanese, there are so many words that describe sounds, but that are used in everyday speech, a lot! I guess the English equivalent (as few as there are) might be something like “Bang!” or “creak”, but the usage is very different. For example; If I am talking about rain, I would of course use the words “Za, za”, because that is the sound of rain. Or, if I go to the Onsen, and I want to describe the smooth, lovely, bubbling for a Hot Spring water, I would naturally use the words “Tsuru Tsuru”, because that is what the water sounds like. I love these words, and the music and animation they bring to an otherwise normal conversation.

Maybe 5 points will be enough for today. If anyone has questions about life in Japan, just let me know!